Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Don't Shoot!!!

To all who may be struggling with a last minute gift idea for the elderly or disabled in your life, get ready to send me a thank you note because I am going to throw you a bone. I came across this story while listening to NPR and it made me feel foolish that last Christmas I gave my aging Grandmother a hot water bag in a faux fur liner and not THIS.

Her very own, elderly and senile friendly HAND GUN!!! The clear choice for the disabled, easily startled and alarmed loved ones in your life. When thinking of my own Grandmother, a Tom Clancy super fan, I thought "I can not think of a single downside to this gift." The 2nd amendment loving manufacturers of the first ergonomically correct hand gun are marketing the Palm Pistol as a defense mechanism for the elderly against home intruders and ungrateful Grand Children. Despite being denied by the FDA to classify the Palm Pistol as a medical device and therefore make it available by prescription through medicare, I would wager a bet that they are still going to be successful. They are after all targeting one of the more paranoid demographics of our great nation.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

A Family of Winners (not wieners)

There are two things that the Brown's do well, look good and win. And that is exactly what we were doing Sunday night. Matthew kicked things off by winning the betting pool we started at the beginning of the Amazing Race (and he wants his five dollars: Jimmy, Allison, Mindy and Ashley).

And I finished the night by embarrassing all of the people at this table with my insane Scrabble Skills.

The embarrassed loser's in question.

The Scrabble board that carried me to victory. If you notice in the lower left hand corner you will see the seven letter, 149 point word that slayed my competitors.

How do you score a 149 point word? Just call up the scrabble master (my new handle) and I will let you in on how I get all my pretty little tiles lined up in a row.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Operation Humble Kanye

Nobody ever has, but if they ever did, both of us would undoubtedly answer the question "who are some of your favorite humans in this world that you can think of off the top of your head right now?" with a list containing some of the following:

stephen colbert
kanye west

and the list usually stops there. so lately we've been pumped up because theres been a lot of those two to go around. in addition to his nightly tv show, Colbert has a Christmas special out on DVD, A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift Of All and a soundtrack to accompany it (featuring musical performances by other favorite humans of ours: Leslie Feist and Toby Keith). And Kanye has a really really good album 808s and Heartbreak that just came out.
But apparently the world can only handle so much awesomeness at one time before a major beef breaks out -- think Biggie vs. Tupac, Jay-Z vs. Nas, Shaq vs. Kobe, or 50 Cent vs. anyone. So the inevitable has happened and now Kanye and Colbert are beefing.

To catch you up, this is how it all started on Dec. 1st:

Then the next night, Dec. 2nd, Kanye hardly kept his Love Lockeddown when he responded on some nerd website called Twitter (?) with a rated 'R' message that is just a lot too much for this blog to handle, but Colbert gives you the 411 in the next clip from Dec. 4th:

This kind of stuff really revs my engine. I hope it never ever ends.

-- matthew

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Its begining to look a lot like Christmas

If you love Phil Collins, Rod Stewart, Hall & Oats, Elton John, Amy Grant or George Micheal than I am sure that you are familiar with Delilah, the nationally syndicated radio personalty coming at you live from 6-11pm every night on your local soft rock station( 99.9 for my friends in the valley.) I have known Delilah since my youth when she hosted Pillow Talk but I came to know her best during the Christmas season when she plays non stop Christmas carols, and only the classics like: Do They Know it's Christmas Time At All? (thank you Live Aid) Last Christmas I Gave you My Heart (George Micheal) and Wonderful Christmas Time (Paul McCartney.)

Christmas 2004
Delilah is the radio equivalent of America's Funniest Home Video's, not intentionally of course. She has been given the incredibly difficult task of counseling her callers purely through the healing powers of soft rock love ballads. They confide their darkest secrets in her and in turn she picks out the perfect song to mend their broken minds. Tricky as that may be, I am amazed every year when she is restricted to Christmas songs alone. The best part about Delilah's show, besides what callers willingly tell thousands of listeners, is between 9:30-10:00 when she lets her hair down and starts to flirt with that G/PG line.

It may be a little early for some to begin listening to Christmas music, but I am eager to get my Christmas Carol/Delilah fix on and I suggest you do the same.

Christmas in our first apartment

Matthew scaring Atticus, Christmas 2006

Last Christmas

In doing a little research for this post I had the fine pleasure of reading the lyrics to, Do They Know it's Christmas time at all?, I was so moved that I have already submitted this to church headquarters in consideration that they add it to the Hymnal.

(Paul Young)
It's Christmas time
There's no need to be afraid
At Christmas time
We let in light and we banish shade
(Boy George)
And in our world of plenty
We can spread a smile of joy
Throw your arms around the world
At Christmas time

(George Michael)
But say a prayer
Pray for the other ones
At Christmas time it's hard
(Simon LeBon)
But when you're having fun
There's a world outside your window
(Sting) And it's a world of dread and fear
Where the only water flowing is
(Bono joins in)
The bitter sting of tears
And the Christmas bells that are ringing
Are clanging chimes of doom
(Bono only) Well, tonight thank God it's them instead of you.

And there won't be snow in Africa this Christmas time.
The greatest gift they'll get this year is life
Where nothing ever grows
No rain or rivers flow
Do they know it's Christmas time at all?

Feed the world
Let them know it's Christmas time
Feed the world
Do they know it's Christmas time at all?

(Paul Young)
Here's to you
raise a glass for everyone
Here's to them
underneath that burning sun
Do they know it's Christmas time at all?

Chorus (Everyone)
Feed the world
Feed the world
Feed the world
Let them know it's Christmas time again

Feed the world
Let them know it's Christmas time again
Feed the world
Let them know it's Christmas time again

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Obama, McCain, Palin, Joe the Plumber, and Steve Nash

first, let me explain to the 3 people who voted in our poll what the poll was all about. Lindsay stole it off of comedian Mo Rocca's website, and she initially intended to do a post about how funny or weird, or likeable, or folksy, or great, or terrible Sarah Palin was. but then she didn't feel like blogging so she kept avoiding it until it conveniently became irrelevant because now the election is over and we will forget about Palin until she inevitably decides to run in 2012 against Joe the Plumber in the republican primaries. at that point we might try to finally do that lost post where Sarah Palin is...
(choose at least 1 but no more than 3)
likeable (Rep)
folksy (Rep)
great (Rep)
terrible (Dem)
weird (Dem)
attractive like Tina Fey (bipartisan)

but for now, i have decided to post these awesome Steve Nash commercials that he self made for vitamin water because
(a) he is awesome
(b) let us not forget that the suns won last night too
(c) he is white, so that should comfort some of McCain's core fanbase (not me though, i consider myself a minority. yes i'm mostly white, but i've got some mexican in me, and i've got a lot of love for the black people)

-- matthew

Monday, October 20, 2008

Puzzles and Pouches

Matthew and I have been busy lately getting our puzzle on. It turns out that Puzzles(and cottage cheese) remain on the short list of things and activities that you recall fondly from your youth that are still worth the hype when revisited in adulthood. Unlike Rodney Dangerfield in the film LadyBugs, not funny. conquering the City of Vail puzzle.

Puzzles are not the only things that I have been revisiting from my youth, I am also trying to persuade Matthew into getting a dog(a basset hound.) I am trying to broker a deal where if I do all of my chores and get good grades than I can get a dog for Christmas.
this is not the first time that I have tried to convince Matthew that we should get a dog, however this is the first time that my wanting of a dog has lasted longer than 24 hours. Which is why I had no option but to purchase this amazing shirt from Wal Mart with a basset hound silk screened on it.
I think I have proved my point, that I really do want a dog and I would take care of it and clean up after it and play with it and love it. (plus we all know that once you get bored of pets you can just return them, unlike baby's.)

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

The Axe

I got laid off today. I and a large number of people that I work with were invited to a meeting this morning and when we arrived there was a lot of awkward silence and a small balding man read from a piece of paper that we were no longer needed. I kept waiting for the part where he told us about the all inclusive St. Regis resort and spa package included in the severance, but he must have forgotten.

However I did not forget to load up on stolen office supplies before I left. So take that armed guard at the door who went through my belongings, you didn't look inside my lunch box where I hide all of the loot!

All I am doing right now is trying to think, What Would Ferris Do?

Update by Matthew:
Just so ya'll know how i treat my lady right, i decided to avenge her Countrywide death through a series of covert sabotage operations. for those who don't know, here's a little background. for an unknown reason i was hired on as a member of the IT department for CW, despite the fact that my computer skills are what some people would refer to as barely above a John McCain level. But regardless, as part of my job i sit in a cubicle all day and make sure that company owned computer software is sent to the right people, and removed from the wrong people.
Translation: lets just say that the small balding man who read Lindsay the news of her lay-off today should not be surprised if tomorrow he starts his computer only to find out that he no longer has any software (including e-mail) to do his job.
phase two of my vengeance plan is in the works, i am fully prepared to recommit myself to a favorite jr. high hobby. copper thievery.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Save Ferris

After Watching Ferris Beuhler's Day Off, Matthew and I thought we should take a note from Ferris, Sloan and Cameron and take our own day off. I must admit that this isn't always the direct effect of watching 80's films, we tend to call in "sick" to work, dare I say once a month? We failed to get our paws on a vintage Ferrari, visit any Art museums, catch a fly ball at a Cub's game, front as Abe Froman the Sausage King of Chicago or incite a street dance riot from atop a parade float but we still had a pretty righteous day.

Making the sick call

my delight when I get a recording and not an actual human who wants to question my overall physical health.
Feasting on the best south Gilbert has to offer.
We risked going to Nordstrom Rack which is directly across the street from our office but I think we can safely assume it was well worth it when I found these gems.
and in our most un-Ferris move of the day I spent a good amount of time on homework and Matthew on reading some Steinbeck.

If you haven't called in "sick" lately I would highly recommend it, it is so choice.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

What the?

How could a man so kind and gentle in appearance be mixing with my mind grapes so bad?
Deepak, if you are reading this please tell me what you are talking about in your book, In Praise of Empires?
because everytime I open it I feel like doing this (see picture below.)

In other news, the Lazy Boy is looking good, yes?

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Watch My Feet

Basically I'm a runner now, its my new thing. This may come as a shock to some people, like anyone who has ever seen me run or all the people to whom I claimed to be a dancer. Dont worry I have not forgotten the words of wisdom tattooed on the lower back of one of my fellow collegiates, I still "Dance as if no one is watching." This February I plan to add Marathoner(1/2) to my long lists of talents and accomplishments. I will be joined by some of my favorite ladies, most of whom where on the staff of Gilbert Gurlzzz Gazette. Shanna, Ashley and Shelly, I hope you are ready because Mama is all business.
Here I am attempting to run during a monsoon that was bordering on being a hurricane, yeah thats right I live in AZ.
Holy smokes, I can not believe I forgot how awesome tennis shoes look with jeans!!! Here I am making it official by buying a new pair of sneaks(video included below for a behind the scenes look.)

The new shoes did make my feet feel better, however I still felt like this:

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

La Vida Loca

Car art in all of its magnificent forms fascinates me- vanity plates, stuffed animals on the dashboard, looney tunes stickers, antenna decorations and certainly custom vinyl stickers are no exception. The silhouettes of Satan disguised(but not so convincingly, because I can clearly see his tail and horns!) as a stripper and Satan wearing angel wings (and once again not very convincing because the angel looks like a stripper as well) are not new on the scene and seem to becoming more popular. But this Dodge truck was advertising more than just the objectification of women, it had a message. Live the Life!

And that is exactly what we have been doing!

if only we had seen that inspirational window sticker earlier perhaps we would have hung that same motto above our bed, maybe our initials can serve as a reminder of what kind of life we want to live.

Making S'mores and reading celebrity gossip zines
and watching lots of Olympic ceremonies is what are lives have been all about these days.
Our ratios of naughty and nice may be lacking, but part of me has to believe that at least one of the things documented here are part of what that guy had in mind when he commissioned that sticker.
Live the Life!

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Double Trouble

Looks like there is a new set of twins on the scene thanks to Shanna's recent addition of bangs.

You might want to step up your game Brad and Steve.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Que Onda Guero?

Mexican Vacation

Just being sassy with my ladies.

Getting Ink done (Lindsay with a wolf howling an "M" for Matthew; Geoff with Speedy Gonzalez; Matthew with an alien walking like an Egyptian).

Velvet Joseph Smith painting blowing Geoff's mind.

Matthew looking like a young David Beckham in his prized poncho.

Big thanks to Jeremy and Kayla for providing Mexico for us.